just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
