he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
