I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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