Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
