garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
