I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
