Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
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