Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
