he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
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