I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
