do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
