Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
