After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
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