haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
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