the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Everyone says I win the strip club
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
