Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
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