can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
