so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
