he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
