but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize