The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize