So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
