I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
My day in three words: secret purse cake
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
