i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
