Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
There's always time for handjobs
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
