I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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