While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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