Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I think I am morally bankrupt
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
