Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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