I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
