I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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