these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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