I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
