Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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