Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize