So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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