so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
