The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I think your dad took our porno
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize