yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
