Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
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can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
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He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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