70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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