He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
