we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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