Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
We just shotgunned beers for America
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
