i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
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So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
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I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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