ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
