come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Randomize
