hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
