I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Your penis caused this!
Randomize