Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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