My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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