that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
