He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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