Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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