I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
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