your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I just got carded by a ten year old.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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