hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
