Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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