Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
