She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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