Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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