make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
