is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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