i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
