K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
