You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
