6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
