first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
