Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Girls should come with a carfax report
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
