Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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