I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Randomize
