i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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