i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
