i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
