My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
